Tales From The BOP: HELLBOY (2019)

There are movies that suck in the summer, dear listener, make no mistake... and we are the ones who suck back. That statement did not come out right at all, but unlike this episode's subject, we stick to our guns all the way down. That's right, BOP's very own Senior Hellboy Aficionado Cody went to see Neil Marshall's studio-hijacked 2019 reboot/prequel/spin-off/Cinematic-Universe-Creation-Kit, and after several weeks of reflection felt up to the task of running us down each and every footnote-burdened sequence. Listen as Cody The Homunculus guides us through a twisting labyrinth of flashbacks, character introductions, location changes, needle-drops, and lobsters Johnson, all to please a fan-base that would've preferred it if they'd just stuck with the other guy. Is this Hellboy just a bunch of cosplaying actors reading Wikipedia articles aloud to the camera over their director's muffled sobs, or is there value to be found in this maligned production? The first one. Definitely the first one. It's a bad movie, don't watch it. But do grab yourself a brew and a king-sized Baby Ruth, and listen to us spin another bone-chilling Tale From The BOP!

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